I felt musically inclined... and of course zombies...

An unfinished Kitchen Sink Song. I just never felt like finishing it.

I don't even remember the chords to play this.

so let the zombies come and eat your brains,

I dont think we will make out, or make it out alive

its just you and I, in this bunker built for two

and we're low on supplies, and i don't think its right to say

that i hate you, for eating all our food, and making so much noise.

I'd rather be outside, than in there with you.

your as brainless as a zombie

and a very horrible shot

and I cant afford to travel

cause you cannot tie a knot

with this rope on this boat

that we'll steal to find an island

to escape from these zombies

who are trying to be violent

and i know were going steady

but i was never ready to pick up this machete

and its going to be messy

with my hands stained red

ill fight the undead

all in the hopes that i can get the hell away from you.

The Juggling Act and Weekend Warriors

Originally written on 9/16/09, taken from my myspace blog

Making films can be some of the hardest things for a person to do. It is strenuous. Its laborious. And it can be detrimental to ones mental health. (I'm literally crazy) But really, filmmaking is not one thing, its a bunch of things. People can say deep down, its storytelling. I say otherwise. Its much more than an art. Its everything you have ever learned in your life: Writing what you know, what you've been though. Its pulling aspects of your story from you own life. Its the way your social skills developed in order to meet people, cast them, direct them, work with them and eventually help advertise. Its juggling ten things at once. Seriously, every aspect of production is linked with one another, each one needs to work together and independently at the same time. If the script sucks, you're fucked from the start. if the actors suck, you cant save it in post. You can have great cinematography, but you can still fuck up the sound. you need everything.... and you need to be good at everything.... It doesnt make any sense if you're a director but cant operate a camera. it doesnt make any sense if your a cinematographer but dont know how to edit. I fucking hate directors that dont do shit. get dirty with us. I hate cinematographers that dont know shit about lights. I hate writers that write scripts that are basically about nothing. I hate editors that cant mix their own sound. I hate actors that don't know that they shouldn't act. I hate the filmmaker's equivalent to the weekend warrior. Half-assers that think they "know whats up". We live, breathe, and eat this shit.

I'm sorry if i sound angry, its just a meaningless rant... but honestly, if you think that the above offended you, and you might think that I'm targeting some people... I'm not. I mentioned no names.... BUT if you do think that im talking about you, then i must have called you out on one of your own faults.... fucking do something about it. prove me wrong...

My Birthday week 09

OCT 4-10

SUNDAY

I don't really remember

MONDAY

i woke up and went to work. same old shit.

TUESDAY

i went to school that day a little early, i wanted to pop in just before the class before mine. George saw me and announced to his class that it was my birthday. I pretended to be embarrassed but i secretly wanted people to know.

Angelica got me a balloon ans a hello kitty tiara. How nice.

After that Seth and I spent the rest of the day talking to this girl named Sara. Her birthday was the day before mine. We talked about party stories, drunken tales from years past. I'll have to admit it was a one sided conversation. I never got shitfaced before in my life. (if only i knew)

That night I went to Uncle Bongs Pizzeria to go see the Rats in the Alley improv show. When word got out it was my birthday people started buying me beers, and then came shots. Before i knew it i was a goner. Wasted. I remember hitting on every girl there.

The rest of the night consisted of me pissing and moaning about SHEWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED and what she did to me. Everyone was giving me advice about it. I don't remember if the advice was any good.

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday morning was hell for me. I crawled into bed the night before around 2 in the morning and layed there until I had to get up and be at school at 10am. I had to shoot the midterms for the class that i worked for. 30 psa's. They were only one-two minutes in length per student but i knew after the fifth one that i wouldn't have the energy to finish the class... I had Seth, Alonzo and Jamiel finish the psa's while i stood in the back trying not to vomit in the trash can.

After that we went to film a short film called 10 ways to save the environment. easy as pie.

After that we shot a little short horror film. The actress sucked really bad but hey, its a horror right? Bad acting is implied.

THURSDAY

I went to school same as usual. I took it easy that day but that night Adam called me up wanting to do a short. We got together and created a piece that is now known to the world as The Grate Confrontation. We shot this at fucking midnight. And then cut it at around 3 in the morning. I'm so lucky I dont sleep.

SATURDAY

I went bowling with some friends that I dont really hang out with. I haven't bowled in like 10 years. I was never good at it then either.

SUNDAY

(i'd like to pretend that it was like last sunday... sadly there are too many witnesses, pictures, videos, texts, and drunk dials for that day to ever be forgotten)

I'm not even going to beat around the bush... I got drunk at a family party. It was a shared party for my 23rd birthdayday and for a 9 year old girl. I got a bottle of whiskey as a present and me and my cousin Crystal started drinking it. I was a fuckin gonner cause i ended up drinking 3/4s of the bottle. i stumbled, I vomited, fell over in the front yard and vomited in the bathroom while i was trying to pee. And then repeat the process, yes all that happened to me twice. That was bad. The entire time i was like "guys, dont tell my mom that im drinking" even though she was standing right next to me. I saw my sister there, I havent spoken to her in a couple of months, but when I saw here I spilled my guts about the SHEWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED incident. I hit on my own cousin..... I'm not even gonna elaborate on that. My parents drove me home and put me in bed. I then woke up in the middle of the night and vomited again.

MONDAY OCT 11th

I woke up, drank some water. Went to school, did my job... Found out what happened last night... Apologized to my cousin. And went on with life.

I was never a huge drinker in the first place, but I just felt the need to. I remember buying alcohol for Seth when he was down in the dumps. It seemed to help him well. I thought I should give it a try. I needed something, if only temporary, to take my mind away from my weary heart. You might think it wasn't the right way to handle things. It most likely wasn't. I decided that day that I needed to get better. I wasn't gonna let this girl win by killing me slowly.

Insomnia

As I'm writing this its 4:03am... Just a usual night for me. I'v had insomnia for maybe as far back as "04. Its just hard for me to fall asleep. At night when I was younger, I'd pretend to be sleeping in my room at night. I thought thats what normal people did. I get microsleep here and there, and i fall asleep in random places sometimes, like in my car, at school on any comfortable couch. One time on the bus (i missed my exit). But after a couple of years have passed, I realized that my insomnia was apart of who I am. I could use it to my advantage. While other people were sleeping I could be doing stuff. Getting productive. I do shit. I read... a lot. And think too much.

One time I went to Denny's at 3am. I wasn't hungry, I just went to see who else is there in the middle of the night. Lately, I've been using my time trying to write and develop scripts. Also I've been getting back into playing music.

No joke though, being the only one awake while the world is sleeping gets weird at times. One time I went to Wal-mart in the middle of the night and I was just walking around. I noticed that I was the only one in the store. All of the workers there that were doing stocking had gone on lunch. The in store music was shut off and I was wandering around trying to find someone. Never in my life did I want to steal so badly.

And then there's the time I went to a party, and everyone was either drunk and passed out or sleeping. Of course I'm the only one awake (and sober) and I'm sitting on the couch with 6 other people sleeping around me. I'm wide awake and my one friend comes downstairs to get some water (for her drunk boyfriend) and somehow I scare the shit out of her cause I'm just sitting there staring at the wall. wait... that does sound creepy.

Gorilla Breast Milk

Thank you Adam for giving me the most beautiful combination of words that has ever graced the world of spoken language.

Gorilla Breast Milk

The rarest and most dangerous of breast milks to obtain. A millionaire gamesman ventured into the heart of africa to find this milk. It is said to give to any man that drinks it: immortality, brute strength and a hairy chest. The gamesman came back to america with 32ml of gorilla breast milk. It cost him an arm and a leg. Literally. The milk sold for ten million dollars on the black market.

Plot Synopsis

And that was it... thats all folks. it took me a while to comprehend what the hell just happened to me. 2009 has just become the best and worst year of my life. I sat at my desk for an hour after she hung up the phone. I thought about everything that I could possibly think about. I searched my memory through and through for any sign, any hint of what I could have done to prevent this. I thought of times we shared that could have sparked her reason for leaving me like she did. Everyone including her said that I did nothing wrong.

But thats not how i felt. maybe i was taking it too hard but i felt so bad. Did i drive her away? what did i say? or didnt say? did or didnt do?

i took it hard for a while. The lowest ive ever been. until a week later.

Who the fuck is Wes Gibson? catchphrase of the century.

those words rang through my head for so long that i even developed a little comedy bit for relationship questions during awkward semi-social encounters:

Who the fuck is Wes Gibson? Thats the guy she left me for. Yeah, i googled that that motherfuckers' name. It turns out that Wes Gibson is the name of the main character from the movie WANTED. Starring James Mcavoy. She's fucking James Mcavoy. In the dorm rooms...

well it sounds better when i say it out loud...

but yeah, it turns out a couple days after she gets with this guy. Again, I have the unpleasant fortune of finding out through the internet. (at this point im hating everything and everyone, especially the internet.) So i guess if its on facebook then its official.

FUCK FACEBOOK.

Since i'll probably never find out, nor do i want to know their origins story I can only really speculate how things happened between them. The filmmaker inside me can only watch in awe as my mind shapes their story:

A young girl moves to San Francisco to attend a prestigious art school. Leaving her old life and friends behind she ventures into the city. She meets a fellow art student, they become friends, they share life stories, they walk to and from class together, they have lunch and eventually dinner together. Their friendship grows closer until finally they take the leap. It doesnt matter to them who makes the first move, as long as the moves are made. By the end of the third act everything seems to be in order, the plot points are sound and the pacing is right. The only thing before the credits roll is to find out if they'll have a happy ending.

Put my name in the credits as LOSER EX-BOYFRIEND #3.

If i was a hollywood producer i would buy this pitch. Who would i get to play me? We already know who's playing Wes Gibson.

The Victory Sandwich

When it comes to filmmaking, I always say that anybody can do it. But I also say that it takes a certain kind of crazy to keep doing it. As we get progress and hone our craft. I found that we started having superstitions and certain little quirks about how we worked. The Victory sandwich for example, stemmed from the first night we worked on this film called Doorbell Ditch. (a piece of crap) We finished shooting around 1am and we all went out to Walmart and shared a giant sub sandwich. This sparked the tradition of the Victory sandwich. We were all so exhausted and for some reason, that was the best sandwich we had ever eaten. So now every time we have a really good shoot, we celebrate with a Victory Sandwich.

(we have lots of superstitions I have yet write about)