I don't think I've ever procrastinated this much

I've been putting off this edit for a couple of days now... I don't know why. Its not that I find it hard.. maybe I'm juts trying to prolong the inevitable. Finishing it marks the end of a journey for me. does that sound weird? What is next for me? Can I really let this story go?

and all we are, are empty vessels

...searching for the things that make us who we are...

ive been working on that lyric for a while, with still no progress.

I just watched Iron man 2. eh. I need to work on my apathy, sometimes I feel like I care too much.. these are just random thoughts swirling in my head. There is no context to the things I say. Why do I write these blogs when no one reads them? Well some people do, and that surprises me. eh. I need to start editing this damn movie. I don't know what it means to me anymore... or actually it changes by day.. the term Fuck this Movie is the best way to describe it...

when this is all over, I'm going to spend one entire day sleeping. Thats the least I could do for my self.

one wording tells me you dont really give a fuck.

fuck these glasses, broke ass pieces of shit. and its my fcucking fault for breaking them.. fucking idiot. Right when I need to start editing where i fuking really nedd them, life fucks me in the ass, just hard enough to make things a little more difficult. God I hate this shit.

I like to scream in my car sometimes when I'm driving, it helps me relax. try it someitime i think it works. Sometimes I feel that my hard work is under-appreciated. that frustrates me.. I just talked to someone on online and was given the film school lecture.. and i kinda dont really know this person.. Fuck you, you dont know shit.. 4 fucking shorts (granted two of them are complete and utter bullshit) and with the exception of Adam, I did all by my fucking self. and then you wanna turn around and fucking say we need to work on some shit... what the fuck.. I get to like 4 fucking get-out-of-jail cards for that one..

and I fucking give up, and I know i say that shit all the fucking time, and then next week I'm back to myself again, but this time I mean it. I'm dumb for dragging what is pretty much nothing out for the longest time. Its like walking into a room and finding all your friends murdered, and then you spend five minutes looking at everything and touching everything, and then the cops come and arrest you, and all your prints are everywhere. And you cant explain your way out of it. Bullshit. I fucking hate you.

i dont lilke the sound of my phone beeping anymore.

But today was cool. Hung out with Camber, Seth and Cecilia, played guitar and some frisbee.... ate some pizza and walked around the farmers market in downtown fairfield with Cecilia.. went to sleep, woke up and watched Iron man2 at midnight with Jennifer, Rebecca, and Cecilia. Today was fun.

Post production jitters

posting for Insomnia Bites is underway... I want this thing to be over with.. The faster I can finish it, the faster I can move onto the next whatever it is I wanna do... To be honest I'm very proud of this film.. I took a subject, wrote about it and got it made. I worked through all the problems with the story, both on the technical/production side, and on the personal side.. Its gonna be at the schools film festival as an alumni work. thats kinda cool cause I was asked to submit it by my former prof. (usually its the other way around.)

I think everything is looking good for me right now. I just hope that after this is all done, things could get a little better.

Wednesday May 5th 2010

I think I was sleep walking today cause all of the sudden I was packing up my equipment into m car and then all of a sudden I was buying a taco from the cinco de mayo people. I dont remember how i got from my car to the mexicans...

Im done. Four short films in a month aint bad. Now I just have to edit. That'll be a breeze.

Directing my movie was tough. I really wanted to make this good so I worked with my actors a lot. I was suprised because not only did they have their lines down, but we we're able to film sequences up to a page long. They hit all their marks every single time. And we ran scenes over and over and each time was the same as the last or better.

This really got me thinking about what I really want to do as a filmmaker. I think I am becoming a capable Director, but theres too much stress invloved, but thats partially because I was The writer/director/DP/Gaffer/editor... I think I want to take a break from narrative and get into music videos. They're all look, and half your job is done cause the sound is provided already..

I need to sleep, I haven't slept since yesterday morning.

I hope this movie turns out ok... ever since i started posting pictures and outtakes, there has been this hype building around it.. shit..what have I done? So many people want to watch this thing... but i really only care if a few like it

fuck you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaaIA7n0iGA
gotta make shit difficult, fuck dude im done with all that

Tuesday May 4th 2010

Day one of shooting well fucking splendidly. The in class shit went off without a hitch and the night shoot went fucking awesomly .. fuck im finna finish insomnia bites by fucking tonight.shit

Monday May 3rd 2010

Today is the day. I've done this time and time again but for some reason this feels a little different. I've film binged before but for some reason this time seems a little more important. I've been waiting to film Insomnia Bites since around March. Its finally come to pass and it feels like the night before the first day of school. I still need to find all my props. I hope my actors are ready. I've given them all the direction I could possibly give. I hope they can deliver. I wouldn't blame them if they didn't cause ultimately any fault goes to me. It all stared from the script. Shitty script equals shitty movie.. fuck, fuck fuck fuck this movie. Seriously take my advice; don't make movies. They take away your sanity and replace it with anxiety. It sweeps the rug from under you while you're trying to drink from a glass.

Come see me, I'm finna knock this out of the park.