Tuesday, February 9, 2010

By any means necessary

And still no response. I take it that after she read the email I sent her, all she had to do was wait until my birthday and she would be rid of me.


It wasnt till about a week later that i had enough of the bullshit. I needed to speak to her. I was mad. I was really angry. But there was still no way for me to reach her. Finally I had got it. I had to take mattters into my own hands. I told my friend Victoria to text her that I had been in a car accident. I had it all planned out too. I was driving down the the 80 and in order to avoid a pile up I had to pull a 180 off the road into the center divider. I waited to see if she would call me. She text Victoria back asking if i was ok. She said she didn't know. Then she finally called me. I just let it ring. For once I hoped that her heart was pounfing in her chest, hoping that I would be ok or that she would feel some kind of guilt about never talking to me.


I sat there for at least twenty minutes. just waiting. I finaly called her back. She answered this time She asked if I was ok, and I fed her my bullshit story. I hope she was smart enough to see how farfetched my story was. It didne matter if she believed me or not, and I didn't care if she did. I was glad that it worked cause I finally had her on the phone. I could finally say all the things that wanted to say to her, I wanted to throw everything I had at her.


But for some reason I didn't. I dont know what happened. Maybe it was just the fact that we were talking and that I was just glad to hear her voice. Or maybe I'm too much of a nice guy and I forgive too easily under pressure. I don't think I had it in me to just yell at this girl. Maybe she was right when she said that me being a libra causes me to overthink. I understood our situations, and I guess for one moment over the phone with her I couldn't see a reason to be genuinely mad at her.


We talked about things, regular things. The things that just dont matter. Maybe it was the type of conversation that two people have when they both want to avoid the real matter at hand. It was like two friends getting back in touch after years of not speaking to one another. She told me it was wrong what she did, but she never actually apologized.


And thats something that stuck in my my mind for a while. I've spoken to many friends, (some of whom might be reading this right now) and they all agreed that she did me dirty. It came to the point where I ended up defending her actions to make her sound less like the epitomy of evil. Also it helped me lie to myself that our relationship wasn't circiling the drain. I always knew it, everyone knew it too. I even predicted the outcome. Damn... I should have put money on it.


CUT TO: 3 days later... I hate everything.

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